OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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