i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
