Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
