We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
