You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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