I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
