I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
