Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
