Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my liver is dry heaving
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
