I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My bed smells like the plague
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