TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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