i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
