You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Randomize
