I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
