Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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