dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
