kristin has been a bad kristin
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You made out with two different species that night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
