She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You have to summon your inner elephant
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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