my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
