but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
