Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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