Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Someone signed my nipple.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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