my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Houston, we have a squirter
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
