If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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