HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
