Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
