So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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