I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
