I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
