Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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