I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
