A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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