i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
