You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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