U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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