Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
