he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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