will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
