i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
