she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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