better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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