I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
