Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
