we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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