She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
