I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
