I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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