Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
