There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
