Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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